The Mall

Okay folks, I realize that I haven't been to the mall in a while. What with being a poor teacher and all, it's quite torturous to make the journey to DYama's Mecca and look at all the things I just can't have right now. (If you're wondering what to get me for my 28th birthday, a shopping spree would be just heavenly.) And maybe this summer vacation means that I spend more time at the Duke cross-country trails and by the pool than out there with all the other folks in the Triangle. But still, I know what's up! I read my People magazine, I'm out there in the city, I see society in general. Yet after 30 brief minutes at The Streets at Southpoint, I realized that I have somehow lost touch with culture at large. Do you know what's out there?!? Let me describe it for you...

There's a 40ish year old woman wearing khacki capris through which I can clearly see, without straining, her bright blue thong. Direct your eyes downward and observe her high heeled shoes with clear heels. But it doesn't stop there! You look up once again only to find that she is wearing pigtails. One on either side of her head. This was actually a very cute woman but apparently she hasn't been watching her daily dose of "What Not To Wear."

Tear yourself away from this fashion trainwreck and wander past the ever so sketchy shop of Abercrombie & Fitch. I hate this store. It personifies all that is wrong with teenage clothing. Apparently charging $60+ for a ripped jean skirt that barely covers the necessities wasn't enough. Neither were the gi-normous photos of kids, excuse me, models plastered all over their display windows. (Ok, I'll admit that once when I was in junior high, I was on the wait list for one of those posters. Blame it on the hormones.) Now, now, they have recruited real live teens to dress up in A&F clothing and be greeters. And today, the male greeter was shirtless. Shirtless! Somebody needs to challenge the mall's "no shirt, no service" rule. If the A&F guy can do it, then so can everyone else.

Overheard at Banana Republic from the lips of a college co-ed, "Oh, I need to stop buying so many shoes! It's like my Mom says-the more I buy, the more I have to move." Um, yeah, that's exactly the reason to curtail your spending urges. This co-ed was also sporting a Duke shirt. Enough said.

All in all, after my shopping adventure I have come to some new conclusions about parenting my future daughter, some "guidelines" for her fashion sense. Top of the list is she's not allowed to wear anything that shows cleavage until she leaves for college. Good lord...

P.S. I write this knowing that I could very well be someone else's "what not to wear."