I am unemployed.
The bliss of no longer working in a job that I didn't particularly love has worn off and the reality of unemployment has set in. Or rather the reality that I am not doing anything in the way of a vocation that I truly love or am passionate about. I'm not doing much of anything really and that has left me feeling pretty blue. And by blue I mean that if you had just been driving down Sayles/Buffalo Gap Road in Abilene, you would have seen me crying in my car.
This particular crying jag has come after a 45 minute fruitless internet search for jobs in this town. As it turns out, the private school at which I had interviewed last month did not have any open teaching positions. So, no teaching for this year. I could kick myself for not getting certified in the five years I lived and taught in NC. I was just too lazy or too scared to ever make it happen. So now, here I am, certificate-less and jobless.
This last year was the year of doing a job "just because." It was one of the best decisions that I think Jason and I could have made for our first year of marriage. Not having a fulltime job allowed for some leeway in getting used to a LOT of new things. But that year is over and (imagine me saying this like a five year old) I don't want another job just because! I want to do something I love and feel called to. For me, that's kids, educating them, mentoring them, literature, art, creativity. I can't seem to find a job in this town right now that will allow me to do any of that. I am still hopeful about working at one particular place that would combine all those things but I hear small time rumors that they're just going to do some inside shifting to fill the position.
So now what?
I don't feel qualified to do anything other than teach and I can't even do that (at least in the public system) because I don't have a stupid piece of paper that says I'm "certified." I'm at a total loss and have no idea what comes next. I'm trying to rest in the knowledge and faith that God has something planned for me. He has always provided with perfect timing and He will do it again. Today is just one of those days where it's harder to believe.