What I Know of Love

love, I made it mine
I made it small I made it blind
I followed hard only to find
it wasn't love
it wasn't love

love of songs and pen
oh love of movie endings
takes out the break
leaves out the bend
and misses love

love not of you
love not of me
come hold us up
come set us free
not as we know it
but as it can be

love's reality
is not a passing bravery
it holds out hope beyond what's seen
the hope of love

love not of you
love not of me
come hold us up
come set us free
not as we know it
but as it can be

{“love” by Sara Groves, go listen here…}

----------------------------

Four years {and four days} ago, Jason proposed to me. It was sweet and surprising and delightfully perfect in its imperfections. A blustery wind and my {unknowing} mocking of his chosen proposal spot was not what Jason was expecting, I am sure. But I said yes! And the rest has been…well, not boring.

When I wrote about our engagement day, I said, “For so long, I’ve dreamed of what my love story would look like. This story, our story, is the best one I could ever hope for and the only one I want.” I truly meant that but I had no idea what it would entail in the years to come. I had no idea that our story would include multiple moves, unemployment, betrayal from those we had trusted, heartbreak, depression and separation.

None of those things occurred to the idealistic southern drama queen who was madly in love with a cowboy from Texas.

But I also had no idea that our story would include laughter {oh, so much laughter!}, adventures in travel, adventures on stage, a freckle-faced pup and, best of all, the miracle of God’s redemptive love. You see, the story that I dreamed of back in February of 2006 is part of a bigger story, one that has been written since the beginning of time.

In their book Love & War, John and Stasi Eldredge write,

“God created marriage as a living, breathing portrait laid out before the eyes of the world so that they might see the story of the ages. A love story, set in the midst of desperate times. It is a story of redemption, a story of healing; it is a story of love. God gives us marriage to illustrate his heart toward us. It is the deepest and most mythic reality in the world—that love is true, that God pursues us.

Our love is meant to be a picture of both his love and his fight. The masculine and the feminine, the courage and sacrifice, and yes, the blood, sweat, and tears—these play out for us and for the world the story of truest Love and his Beloved. God is fighting for the hearts of his people. He is a valiant king and lover, who will see his people free.”

I won’t lie, I have never felt more keenly that our love story is most definitely “set in the midst of desperate times.” Jason and I have to fight for each other daily. It is a daily discipline to remind myself that we are on the same team, fighting for the same thing. But there is something about knowing that our marriage is a picture of God’s love for His people that makes me fight that much harder for Jason’s heart and he for mine. It makes us brave and bold and more likely to go to the places that make us uncomfortable if it means we’re mimicking God’s love for us.

So I agree with Sara. What I know of love now is that it takes breaking and bending. It is not just a passing bravery, it is a daily stepping out in courage and hope for what can be. Love is most certainly not of Jason or of me, it is planted in us by the creator of love. And it is worth every tear, every fight, every tentative step into the unknown for the joy it is bringing...

-------------------------

“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

Love never fails.”                  

                                          1 Corinthians 13:4-8