Monday, February 16, 2009

And yet, our dates NEVER involved a hot tub.

I am no stranger to quick dating and quick engagements. Jason and I...

  • Met in June of 2005
  • Talked/Phone-dated through the summer
  • I heartlessly broke up with him in August
  • We reconnected in November
  • He came to NC in December, I went to TX Christmas night through New Year's Day
  • He asked my family for permission to marry me in January 2006
  • We were engaged Valentine's weekend
  • We got married August 5, 2006
So all in all, from start to finish (minus the months we didn't talk) a little over a year.

But y'all, we've got nothin' on those kids from "The Bachelor." And neither do the dates that we went on during that time.

There have been a wide range of "fantasy dates" on which Jason (The Bachelor, not to be confused with my Jason) has taken these lovely ladies. Helicopter rides, waltzing lessons complete with designer ballgowns, personal serenades by semi-famous musicians, limos, jewelry, first class dining at every meal...the list goes on.

In tonight's episode, Jason had narrowed his choices down to three: Jillian, Molly and Melissa. This was the infamous "Overnight Date" episode and it all went down in New Zealand.

And don't we all go to a stunningly beautiful foreign country for our fourth or fifth date with someone? No, we do not! And this is my point: the producers of this show are seriously missing out by continuing to churn out these fantasy dates.

The following are some dates that I think would truly help Jason decide on who would be the right wife for him and stepmother for his son. And I think they would be TV gold, my friends.

The Grocery Shopping Date
Start out by planning a week's worth of meals and the corresponding grocery list. Hit the aisles (after fighting over who gets to push the cart) and watch carefully to see if they go for label or generic. Or if they grab a bottle of spaghetti sauce or the stuff to make their own. I will never forget the first grocery store trip that Jason and I took. The spaghetti sauce? I went for the jar and he looked at me in shock and horror. And I shot that look right back when he told me he would always make his own. Lesson learned? I wanted quick convenience, he went the long way for taste and quality. Turns out, his way is so much better. {Although I still buy the bottled stuff every so often. Shhhhh.}

The Decorate & Paint a Room Date
Given a budget, agree on colors, style and fabric choices that will go in a living room. Sounds easy? Nuh uh. What if you're classic southern and he's contemporary simplicity? What if she likes knick-knacks and you want clean surfaces? What if you want the couch away from the wall and the coffee table catty corner while he wants everything flush against the wall? How will we, I mean, you reconcile these differences? Oh, and then you've got to paint the room. Once you've agreed on a color, of course (and good luck with that!), decide who will edge and who will roll. And how do you edge? Freehand? Tape it off? You have no idea how much you can learn about a person just from painting one daggum room. Gallons.

The Clean A House Date
Because sometimes? You just need to know how dirty someone is willing to get outside of spending the night in a fantasy suite. Enough said.

The Baby-Sitting Date
One girl after another has vehemently reassured Jason that they are soooooo ready for a family, keenly aware that this Bachelor comes equipped with a three year old son. Oh, really? Then let's see you babysit and entertain a three year old and a toddler for a whole day and night. I think it's valuable to see if your date can handle a poopy diaper much less the three year old's request to come wipe his bottom because he hasn't really gotten a handle on that part of potty training just yet. Had ABC gone for this group date right off the bat, Bachelor Jason would have gone from twenty-five beautiful women to four realistic ones pretty dang quick.

I don't know about you, but I would pay good money to have seen Naomi's (" is very impor-ant to me...") face when that kids asks her to wipe his bottom.

What about you? What other dates would you add to The Bachelor's lineup?


  1. Well, I'm a bit odd, but since I am into collie rescue, I would want to take someone on a rescue mission. Or, at least to the dog shelter. Would they pet a smelly, hairy collie? Would they care about them at all?

    I've always thought how people respond to animals says a lot about them. Animals can be so defenseless.

    But, Rob passed all that with flying colors. :)

    I loved your post!!!

  2. Get To Know That Relative Date: Both datees have to produce that relative, the one who says inappropriate things.

    PS: I beat you. Met in April, engaged in June, married in January. Eleven years now.

  3. Clean My Toe Jam Date...

    Qtip My Chihuahua's Ears Date...

    Take My 15-Year-old-with-a-Big-Ole' J-LO-Butt Blue Jean Shopping Date...

    (truly a survivor of the latter is the winner for all eternity.)

    that's what I can manage on one cup of joe this am.... xxx

  4. The Put Together a Grill Date

    Not just any grill, mind you. The honkin' big MANLY MAN grill-- with a million screws and latches and shelves and buttons.

    The Set Up the New HD TV/Blu-Ray/Surround Sound System Date

    Some of us are blessed with the ability to understand technology. Some of us are seriously lacking.

    In each of these dates, the various levels of ability in "mechanical-ness" and technological savvy will undoubtedly (and very quickly) reveal levels of patience and willingness to admit when you (or he, as the case may be) are wrong.

    p.s. This post is GLORIOUS!

  5. Anonymous4:30 PM

    Oh have GOT to write the show and share these ideas- you are right. They would make for some real fun to watching- bring on the popcorn- and they glamor and the glitz would get a real live down home reality feel. Go on. Anyone who can sit beside David McCauly for a dinner and keep him engaged in stimulating conversation can also convince a syndicated network TV program to take on the REAL in reality TV. Do it.


  6. 24/7 Quarantine While Sick Date. Wait until he shows the first sign of a cold (or when he begins complaining that he has the worst sinus infection ever and surely will require surgery and 42 thousands of dollars in treatment but still goes to work and social obligations so that he can bitch and moan to a wider audience about his new ailment)Then lock them both in the apartment together and see if he is still alive at the end of the sickness. Not a test of her caretaker abilities, but a test of her homicidal tendencies after the 400th, "*snort*, *lugi hock*, *gag*, *BIG SIGH*" followed by the 9 thousandth, "I don't feel well. Would you get me a (insert current necessity here)."

    I love you Kevin! Even when you have the worst sinus infection. EVER!

  7. oh girl - thanks for the laugh on a day when i really needed it! So so true . . .

  8. if we are voting.... Hope's "set-up TV/Blu Ray" date wins the best bar none.

    i think eating ribs is a foul thing to do on a initial courting date too.


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