It's that time of year again....THE OSCARS!!

Sure, I haven't seriously blogged in two months, but I've started a tradition and I can't let this year's ceremony pass me by. Not even an impending move (we found a darling house to rent! more soon!) can stop me from planting myself on the couch for the next five hours and bringing you all the glamour, all the stars, all the winners and all the snark.

If this is your first time, I'll be updating this post through the night, so just keep hitting refresh. As always, comments are welcome! I'd love to hear your thoughts.

Let's do this thing.

But, before we start, I'd like to dedicate this, The 4th Annual Southern Drama Queen's Oscars Extravagnanza, to two women who have encouraged me and inspired me in my love of the Academy Awards. First, I dedicate this night to Katie P, one of Winston-Salem's finest police officers. Katie will spend this night protecting the streets from vagrants and thieves, sacrificing her love of Hollywood for the greater good of The Dash's citizens. Katie, my best snark? It's all for you.

I also want to dedicate this post to the irrepressible Molly Page, fashion guru and fellow pop culture kindred spirit. Molly and I connected through our blogs before becoming friends in real life here in Chattanooga. I had looked forward to watching this year's Oscars with her, but then her husband went and got an amazing job in Chicago and Molly was off to the big city. Thanks to the magic of social media, we'll watch it together via Twitter but I can't wait to see what she posts in the days to come regarding all the fashion on the red carpet. Make sure you check her blog this week!

Ok, y'all, on to the red carpet! Let's start with The Bridesmaids...

I am SO glad Melissa went with a brighter color! I love that this shows off her gorgeous shape, rather than the voluminous shifts she's worn for the rest of the awards season. Stunning.

Rose. Oh, Rose. You don't have to take yourself so seriously. Also, it might be time to take the Scarface DVD off repeat. 1983 Michelle Pfeiffer called and she wants her hairstyle back.

OH, SWOON. I love everything about this look. The sheer glamour of the hair, the color of the dress, the sparkle at the sleeves and waist. Also, how great is it to see curves on the red carpet?!?

Jessica Chastain is a very pretty woman and I'm impressed at how she pulls off this elaborate dress on such a diminutive frame. 

Dear Miley, Lindsay, Selena and Demi Levato, TAKE NOTE. This is how you do young Hollywood.

Oh, Viola. How your bosoms doth impress. And that shade of green is just fabulous!

Annnnnd Sacha Bren Cohen just dumped an urn of ashes on Ryan Seacrest. Did he not get the memo that "Punked" bit the dust years ago and NO ONE CARES ABOUT HIS CRAPPY "COMEDY"? Ugh, go away.

Classic. Elegant. Beautiful. Well done, Octavia.

I like how Kristen went kind of wonderfully understated. So effortless. But maybe too much so for the Oscars? I'm torn.

This is a first. I don't actually hate what Giuliana is wearing! It's very pretty and feminine and kind of old school glamour. Her make-up is gorgeous and she's not orange. I'm not sure I can ask for more from G. Way to kick cancer in the keister!

So my dear Molly tells me that peplums are very on trend. I haven't really understood the fuss, but I absolutely LOVE the dress that Carolina Herrera designed for Tina Fey. I vote yes for the peplum!

Emma, you are darling in red. Sure, the bow could be a bit smaller, but I'll you'll be one of the most comfortable actresses in the auditorium tonight.

I am looooooooving these polka dots! So fun and unexpected for Oscar night! Well played, Natalie.

7:53 p.m.

It's seven minutes and I've only seen two actors that I would consider current Hollywood legends. Where is everyone?!?

7:56 p.m.
While we wait for the show to start, how about some Hollywood legends from the past? Life Magazine has a slideshow of some wonderful shots and I think these are my favorite...

The epitome of style- Audrey and Grace.

Lovely Liz

If you've never seen "Splendor in the Grass", go out and find it this week.

8:03 p.m.

Ok, just realized the show doesn't start until 8:30. I can't believe I didn't know that. That's a rookie mistake and I'm better than that.

Back to the red carpet...

I'm always impressed at how the more experienced dames bring it. Now, where's Helen Mirren?
Speaking of the dames of Hollywood, how about a little Meryl?

No one does draped better than her.

Gorgeous. As always. But a tad boring?

At first I thought Sandy's dress and overall look was a bit stern, but then I saw her delightful interview with Louise on ABC's coverage. Apparently, it's sexy times tonight!

It's Angelina! And she's smiling! And her hair is all loose and relaxed! Me likey.

8:22 p.m.

Ok, taking a break and then I'll be back after Billy's opening number. Fingers crossed there's a grandiose musical parody coming!

8:47 p.m.
Sooooo, that was kind of...lame? Billy's opening, while traditional, felt dated and contrived. Why not go for something new? Eh. Disappointed.

8:53 p.m.
Have I mentioned that movie montages set to soaring orchestral music make me cry?

8:57 p.m.
The irony of J Lo discussing wear a loose dress to make you look like a lady is not lost on my friends. And that is why I love them so.

9:03 p.m.
Can we just do movie montages and actor interviews all night? Loving those. And apparently all you have to do now is merely mention "Field of Dreams," flash a shot of that field and I start crying.

9:15 p.m.
Hooray for Octavia!! She was absolutely outstanding in "The Help" and I can't wait to see more of her work in movies to come.

9:17 p.m.
For those keeping count, Octavia's win was Tears Welling Up #3 for me. Any guess as to what the final count will be?

9:29 p.m.
Molly and I agree that the "lost footage" of a MGM focus group (performed by Christopher Guest and friends) was the funniest part of the show so far. And that strikes me as just a wee bit sad...

9:39 p.m.
Holy. Cow. The Cirque de Soleil performance was UNREAL. Designed to capture the feeling of going to the movies, I'd say they definitely nailed it. (ETA: Video now posted of this AMAZING performance!) 

Also, is it crazy that I really loved Miss Piggy's hair?

9:44 p.m.
Watching Robert Downey, Jr. and Gwenyth Paltrow Best Documentary presenters banter was like a true life Ironman and Pepper scene.

And TWU #4 goes to "Undefeated" winning the category. Y'all, it's like a real life "Friday Night Lights". Clear eyes, full hearts, can't lose!

I think my Best Banter and Funniest Moment goes to Emma Stone and Ben Stiller. She's hilarious anyway, but I loved how she hammed up the fact that she was a first time presenter. Total drama queen, my kind of gal.

10:05 p.m.
Captain Von Trapp for the win! Best supporting actor goes to Christopher Plummer. His acceptance speech was winsome and charming, making it my favorite of the night thus far. Now excuse me while I indulge myself in a rousing rendition of "Eidelweiss."

10:19 p.m.
Really, Oscars? Only two nominees for Best Song? For shame. But Will Ferrel and Zach Galianfinakis presenting did give me a good giggle.

10:33 p.m.
I'm fading fast, y'all. I also have a strange craving to go eat a cheeseburger in Angelina Jolie's scrawny thigh's honor.

Annnnnnnnd, pose.

10:58 p.m.
TWU #5 - The Governor's Awards highlights and Honorary Oscars going to Oprah and James Earl Jones.

11:24 p.m.
I got nothin'.

11:31 p.m.
I am delighted for Meryl, but a little sad that Viola didn't get it. Also, I'd like to have Colin Firth record the outgoing message on my voicemail. Can someone arrange that for my birthday?

11:36 p.m.
And Best Picture goes to "The Artist"!! Between winning Best Picture and Best Actor, I really need to go see it.

And that's all, folks. It was a tame ceremony as Oscars go. I feel bad I didn't have more to offer, but they really didn't give me much to work with. I have a strongly worded letter going out to the producers tomorrow. Thanks for reading, y'all!

Here's to glamour, here's to fashion, here's to the movies!