Lost & Found

So there's this "31 Days of__" blog thing that happens every year in October. It's the brain child of The Nester. As she says, "Basically anyone can join in, just pick a topic and write about it every day for the month of October." I'm going to give it a try. I don't really have anything profound to write about, but I know I want to write. So I'm calling this "31 days of rediscovering my voice." My written voice, my blog voice, my creative voice, the voice that tells me to take care of myself. I've let all of these get lost in a haze of laziness and social media. It's time to find them again. I've come across this quote again and again in the last month:

"Tell me, what do you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?"
  - Mary Oliver

 I'm not happy with how I've been squandering it lately.

There's something about this being a new month, my birthday month, it finally feels like Fall and there's all these brand new starts in my world.

{October photo a day challenge - Where I stood, on a cold & rainy October 1st in my cords & boots}

It feels hopeful and optimistic and clear and unfettered. Like I could do anything in this wide open space in front of me. I'm not sure what I'm supposed to be doing, but I'm all sorts of full with things that I want to do. Craft more. Read more. Take care of my body more. Enjoy my husband more. Love him more. Listen to him more. Spend more time outside. Spend more time with Jesus. Write more. Blog more. I'm giddy at the thought of it, but terrified that I'll fall into old habits- that this day, this feeling, this newness is fleeting.

Also, I really need to sleep more. Not getting enough of that either.

October. I turn thirty-five in twenty-seven days. My mid life? Could be. I hope it's just shy of it. Half a life down, half way to go. What have I done with this half life? Ministered to kids, taught for five really good years, married, tried out a new state, a slew of really good friendships, almost lost a marriage, regained a marriage, tried another new state, built a new community, learned some really hard lessons about shitty jobs and shitty bosses. Crafted some things. Created with words and fabric. Cried a lot. Laughed even more. Lost family. Gained people that feel like family. Became more comfortable with who I am as a person. Ok, so thirty-five years hasn't been so bad. It's been mine and God's and it's been full.

I'm ready for more. Let's do this.