Faithfulness

I am blessed to have friends that are wise and true and (in times when I seem to need it most) can eloquently articulate what the depths of my heart have been pondering. Anna did this for me the other week when she wrote,

So, at this point, when the waiting is finally over, it starts to take on a significance that can be much more appreciated in hindsight. Now, we remember that waiting prepares you. And it deepens a longing that makes you truly appreciate the final arrival at What's Next.

I have been smiling in these last days. I'm talking an ear to ear grin that hasn't made an appearance in quite some time. What quickly follows the grin (especially if I'm by myself in the car) are tears. Tears of pure happiness and joy. Tears of relief. Tears of seeing God's faithfulness in our lives. Isn't that odd? A grin followed by tears. It is a paradox that has confounded me but one that I have decidedly relished.

You see, this season of waiting is over for us. Our house has sold, our worldly goods are being packed (again!) and a new home awaits us on Signal Mountain, Tennessee. This last year has been...well, rough. And that might just be the understatement of my life. I have gone to places in my heart and in my emotions that I never imagined . Our marriage has been through things that I could not have pictured for our first two years of carving out a life together. I have laid things before the Lord and he has spoken words to me that I didn't know I was ready to hear.

Trust.

Faith.

Hope.

And love. Love in a whole new light.

I'm not done with these words. No, not by a longshot. It is necessary for me to listen, learn and repeat. Over and over again. I'm hard headed that way.

But in this season of waiting, of everything not falling into place, there has been preparation. And Anna is right. It's 20-20 hindsight. I haven't been able to see the preparing taking place in my heart until now. Sure, I've had glimpses of it in the last year. They happened when I finally stopped looking at myself and put my whole trust in His hands. But I was so quick to yank it right back into my selfish little hands. Oh, how I long to stay there. To rest in Him, to trust Him always. I want to be aware of the preparation, to know that it is happening, not just to see it after the fact.

So that's something I'll take with me from this season- a greater awareness of the preparation while it's happening. What's the old saying? "Good things come to those who wait." That's true. We have waited, good things are coming. They aren't from a Santa Claus-like God, though. They are from a loving Father who knows just when his son, his daughter is ready for them...

Morning by morning I wake up to find
The power and comfort of God’s hand in mine
Season by season I watch Him, amazed
In awe of the mystery of His perfect ways
All I have need of, His hand will provide
He’s always been faithful to me.

I can’t remember a trial or a pain
He did not recycle to bring me gain
I can’t remember one single regret
In serving God only, and trusting His hand
All I have need of, His hand will provide
He’s always been faithful to me.

This is my anthem, this is my song
The theme of the stories I’ve heard for so long
God has been faithful, He will be again
His loving compassion, it knows no end
All I have need of, His hand will provide
He’s always been faithful to me.

(Sara Groves)